Stupidity
Should be Painful...but Unfortunately, it's Not
Interview with JoBeth
conducted
by Pat "Help Me" Rothfuss
with additional
reporting by BJ Hiorns
I recently had the opportunity
to sit down with the sweetheart of the comics page,
JoBeth. She's been called "the epitome of stupidity"
and "everybody else's girl," but I wanted to
dig deeper into what makes this girl tick. The deeper I
dug, the more I found out that with JoBeth, there is no
"deeper" and nothing really ticks.
Pat Rothfuss:
So JoBeth. Thanks for coming out to the Pointer office
today.
JoBeth: [giggles]
You're like, cute in a fuzzy kinda way.
PR:
Thanks. Anyway, um, just out of personal curiosity--
JB: Oh, they're
totally real.
PR:
Er. That's good to know. But I was going to ask what your
last name is.
JB: Oops! My bad!
[giggles] Let's see....ummmm....I really don't
know. But my maiden name is JoBeth.
PR:
Okay... Any siblings? Your parents?
JB: My parents are
totally cool! They kept my room absolutely the same as it
was before I still lived with them!
PR:
And your siblings?
JB: Oh, that
cleared up.
PR:
And your current boyfriend--
JB: Davey? He's
soooo into me, it's like, wow!
PR:
Last I heard he tried to drop a piano on you.
JB: Isn't that
cool? Nobody's ever done that to me before! And like, I
know he's kinda bashful n'stuff, but that's just the way
he is. Can I say hi to him? Is he gonna read this?
PR:
Probably not.
JB: [waving at
my tape recorder] Hiiiiiii Danny!
PR:
Has fame gone to your head?
JB: No, silly! But
I got hit in the head with a vollyball once.
PR:
That must've hurt.
JB: Huuuh?
PR:
Getting hit in the head with a vollyball.
JB: Oh, you poor
thing!
PR:
Never mind. Well, I'm sure a lot of the people on campus
want to know--
JB: [starting
to lift her top] Okay!
PR:
NO! NO NO!! I just want to know what it's like, having
your own comic strip.
JB: Oh! Oopsie! [giggles]
Well it's totally bitchin'! I like, drive to the studio
in my car--have you seen my car?!
PR: Uh, no--
JB: You've totally
gotta see my car! Come on!
[She drags me outside to look
at her Jeep Wrangler. It's white, with unfortunate
pinstriping. She's named it "Car" because she
can't remember any of the other names she's given it.
After weaseling my way out of an extensive tour of her
back seat, we return to the Pointer office]
JB: Well, if you
ever need a ride, you can totally use me!
PR: I
don't think Sarah would like that. Ahem. So about the
creation of your comic strip...
JB: Oh yeah! [giggles]
I drive to the studio in my car--have you seen my car?!
PR:
Yes.
JB: And then they
have me hold stuff or pose and like I really use all my
acting skill and then they sit down and they draw me and
they tell me not to scratch my nose and they draw some
more and they tell me to stop looking out the window and
they draw some more and then I hafta pee, and then they
draw some more--
PR:
Which is why it's only a weekly comic strip.
JB: Fer sher! [giggles]
But they're all really sweet and we have so much fun!
PR:
So who comes up with the joke each week?
JB: Huuuuh?
PR:
Who writes your dialogue every week?
JB: Oh I hate cell
phones.
PR: Who.....writes....what
you say?
JB: Oh, I just say
stuff, y'know? [Creators] BJ [Hiorns] and Joey [Hetzel]
usually write lots of stuff when I'm modeling, and I just
talk to them and they keep writing and laughing and
pointing at me and stuff. It's way neat!
PR:
Great. Look, could you do me a favor?
JB: [starting
to lift her top] Okay!
PR:
NO! NO NO! I just want to ask you what colour your eyes
are.
JB: Huuuuuh?
PR:
Your eyes. They're always closed.
JB: They are?
PR:
Could you open them for me?
JB: They're not
open?
PR:
What colour are your eyes?
JB: [giggles]
I dunno.
PR:
Please open your eyes.
JB: Huuuuuh?
PR:
Would you just open your stupid eyes, you dumb, blonde,
useless--!!
[At this point there is a
scuffle, during which the tape recorder is knocked off
the table and unplugged. The remainder of the interview,
after Mr. Rothfuss is carried away, is conducted by
Benny, his sock monkey.]
Benny:
.......
JoBeth: You're
like, cute in a fuzzy kinda way.
B:
........
JB: [starting
to lift her top] Okay!
B:
........! .........!!
[Pat Rothfuss is currently
confined to the Bennett Institute for the Mentally
Infirm, where he takes part in important studies
researching the effects of prolonged exposure to extreme
stupidity. He periodically expresses feelings of betrayal
at the hands of Benny, who refuses to return telephone
calls placed to what he has dubbed his "Bouncin'
Touncin' Rompin' Stompin' Love Hive."]
This site best viewed at 800x600
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JoBeth
is © 1998-2000 B.J. Hiorns and Joey Hetzel. All
rights reserved. Any reproduction of this
material without written permission by the
creators is strictly prohibited.
The JoBeth
Website and all of its contents are © 2000 B.J.
Hiorns, Joey Hetzel, and Shannon Traska/Floating
Point Productions. All rights reserved.
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